Greeting. It has been a while, I know, and I apologize. Get over it.
My mind has recently been reeling about babies. Everywhere I look I see babies. I see pregnant mommies pregnant with (what one can only assume) babies, I see my friends trying to have babies, I see my friends with babies, I see my babies, and I see ugly babies. The big question on my mind is: How much is too much in the baby department?
I knew I would feel it; I knew it would happen. I actually felt guilty for only wanting 2 children. I did...for about 5 minutes and then got over it. I had two realizations in the same hour at a recent MOPS meeting. The speaker quoted the Bible to show the unsuspecting moms in attendance that God wants us to go forth and multiply, as well as the verse that says something about children being gifts.
Question 1: Is going forth and multiplying implying that I need to go out and multiply until I can't multiply any more?
Question 2: Is the verse simply taken out of context this day and age so that it fits our baby agendas? Was God simply telling Adam and Eve to just "Go! Have as many babies as humanly possible!" or was it a more laid back approach like, "Yeah, take your time, have some kids...you know, the world will be populated at some point or another."
So, if I only want to have 2 children does that mean that I trust God less? Because my husband and I are taking measures to guard against more of these amazing blessings does that mean we don't value and appreciate what God gives us?
Then a friend of mine made a pretty interesting comment that is still sticking with me. She said, "Anything less than pure joy for a person having a baby is wrong. Life should be celebrated."
I agree. I do. Life in America is so poorly cared for. It is actually looked down upon. There is no sanctity of life around these here parts. So I would agree. But then I felt bad as I remembered channel surfing and landing on that realty show called 19 and Counting. I watched 5 minutes and had to switch the channel because it annoyed me. I think it annoyed me because typically in a family this large, the older children become the 'parents' to the younger children. Obviously, right? How else would it work?! I actually felt like families this big had selfishness brimming to the top. I could not understand why having that many kids was good for any person involved.
Okay, and then I clicked back after I was done feeling smug. I actually enjoyed watching their sense of family and devotion to one and other. They didn't have much of a need for outside friends, because they had true, live in playmates. Kinda cool. Who am I to judge?
Okay, so, all life should be celebrated. Okay, I can get on board. But then I started to think about different couples, men and women who have multiple children in the foster care system and just seem to continue to have babies into less than ideal situations. So, celebrate the life, but not the life in which the life is coming into?
Anyway, so I was feeling guilty because 2 children, I feel, has made my family complete. I am able to find sitters relatively easy. I can afford both of them and have extra to give them nice things. We can eat out here and there. Family vacations are easy and enjoyable. They do not outnumber the number of adults. Each child gets a room. When they go to bed, there are only 2 to deal with, so I have some time to myself each evening. These are examples specific to ME on why I like having 2. But some are selfish. I get it. I like having 2 because I can be fully and completely involved in AJ and Alayna's lives on close, individual bases. My attention is not split between multiple, multiple...multiples. But that is just me.
Back to feeling bad. I was unnecessarily feeling guilty because of the reasons that I wanted only 2 and the fact that 2 was all that I wanted. I must not trust God, I must not believe in His gifts, I must not believe in his provision, I must be selfish because I like the lifestyle of having 2.
There are so many wonderful things about having a huge, rambunctious family with siblings and crusty sandwiches falling from the walls. It is an attractive, romantic idea to have your big family sitting around the table, sharing stories and laughing together. But lets face it, parenting and raising kids is hard. Rewarding and wonderful, but hard.
So, in short, can I please just be okay with having 2? Will people stop pressuring me to have more please? I'm good. Really, the world has already experienced baby perfection in Alayna and AJ, it would be a shame to continue to put other babies to shame.